Paizuri-free One-shots
by Paizuri Man
Summary: For the characters who for one reason or another cannot engage in breast-loving. Maybe be 'serious' or comedic.
_My paizuri-free section deals with all the stories featuring characters I wanted to write about, bot for one reason or another can't include my much beloved boob sex. Expect these to be a little different from my standard fair, not just in content but in writing style._

 _This story, featuring Undyne and Alphys from Undertale, while still explicit, will mostly comedic._

 **1: Undyne and Alphys**

Alphys felt like she was flying. Of course, she was in fact being carried off to places unknown by her deceptively strong love Undyne, but the feeling of flight was there all the same. Perhaps because she was being hoisted over Undyne's head like some kind of blimp.

Undyne had once again had her running with Papyrus through the dump for exercise. Alphys was particularely proud, she had beaten her record of running ten metres before collapsing in an exhausted heap. Today she had made it at least eleven.

Undyne said that was cause for celebration. Well, she screamed that it was cause for celebration, as she normally did.

"Uh, Undyne? Where are we going?"

"To my house of course! We're gonna have a _hot date_ , as I am told people in love do!"

"Oh Undyne, I've been waiting so long to hea- wait, didn't your house burn down?"

"Did you think I was just gonna squat at Papyrus' forever? I built a new one! Besides, living with Papyrus was…"

…

"Hey Undyne!"

"OH MY GOD. Knock first!"

"Oh, sorry! I didn't know you were in the middle of getting dressed while staring at that picture of Alphys!"

"Get. Out."

"Righto, silly me! Wait, why did I come up here? Oh yes, the spaghetti is ready. I think you'll find this batch to un _die_ for."

"I SAID GET OUT!"

"Oh, your pants are slipping! And now I have a bone-er! NYEH HEH HEH!"

…

"… _embarrassing_."

Undyne ran for about a half hour, never once showing any strain while carrying the overweight dinosaur. The talked about all manner of things from anime to shipping to Undyne's plan to kill some skeleton. She didn't name names, so Alphys assumed she didn't know the individual.

They finally arrived at a house completely identical to the old one, in precisely the same place as the old one.

"Most of the house turned out to be non-flammable, so there's just a few scorch marks here and there on the walls. The interior needed replacing, so I had Grillby order me some appliances. I built the furniture myself."

"Wow! Though some of it looks a little rougher than the old stuff, what materials did you use?"

"I punched trees into the shape that I wanted."

"Haha, oh you."

"I'm serious."

Before Alphys could respond, she found herself once again swept off her feet, this time being carried bridal style.

"Now let me show you the bedroom!"

Undyne deposited Alphys like a sack of potatoes onto the bed, which she hit with an audible 'Thud'.

"It's a little… firmer than I'm used to."

"Ha! The firmer it is, the better it is for your back! Taking this to heart, my mattress is also made of trees!"

"W-well, I suppose it's nice in it's own way. So… what do you wanna do now?"

"Fuck."

"Well yes bu-wait, what? N-no, we can't! We shouldn't! Think of the children I-I-I mean it's too soon, and what would Sans think, he'dneverletusliveitdownOHGAUGHHH-"

The hysteric Alphys was interrupted by Undyne's hands pressing into either side of her face. She lifted Alphys' head so that they were eye-to-eye.

"Alphys, I appreciate the anxious girl routine that you put on all the time. But I know that deep down, you're a kinky bitch who just wants some strong fish lovin'."

"*Sniff*, who told you that, Sans?"

"No, I looked at your anime collection. The one you keep out in the open. I also know you don't give a shit about the children because that stuff is not PG."

"Oh Undyne, I knew you were the one for me!"

"You know it, bitch! Show me some of that sexy _determination_ of yours."

One blur of blue limbs later and Alphys found her head lying in Undyne's lap.

"Now eat me out."

With trembling hands, Alphys worked to undue Undyne's belt and zipper, sliding her jeans down her toned legs. Undyne removed her own tank top, revealing a well cut but surprisingly thin torso. Her small breasts rounded out the edges of her pectorals, and were capped with nipples nearly the same shade as her fiery hair.

"Hey! Stop staring, you've got work to do."

"R-right."

Despite weak knees and sweaty palms, Alphys continued undressing the blue fish-woman.

"S-so I guess I'd better take off your… _Undys_. Heh… hehe*snort*"

"…"

"…"

"Ha! You're even better than those fucking skeletons!" Undyne pounded the 'bed' with her fist while she laughed, sending splinters flying into the ceiling.

Alphys continued her giggling and snorting until Undyne was entirely naked. A spiked patch of flame hair sat directly above her slightly pinker pussy lips. Alphys licked her lips.

"I don't have all night Al."

Alphys gingerly began licking Undyne's lips. She was nervous, she'd never done anything like this before, and she doubted Undyne would be turned on by the same things that got Alphys excited.

"Hm, good girl. How does it taste?"

"Uhm, kinda like fish."

"Ha! What did you expect? Maybe Mettaton told you yours tasted like Starfait?"

"H-hey, it was only one time! And also yes."

Alphys lost track of time between Undyne's legs, and her worriedness quickly disappeared as Undyne had a habit of shouting what got her off best. Alphys world became her taste and scent as she teased her clit and tongued her folds.

"Ha! Getting close Al, just keep going, just like that, yeah…"

Undyne's thighs clamped tight around Alphys head, pushing her face deeper into Undyne's womanhood. Alphys gave her partner a panicked look.

"Mphh mmm mphphmph."

"Fuck yeah, I don't know what you're doing but it feels great, don't stop now!"

The vice of her thighs pressed tighter, Alphys was now forced face down into Undyne's lap, her fiery bush tickled her nose and all see could see was Undyne's rough blue skin. She was finding it rather difficult to breathe and her face felt like it was being squeezed by a pair of muscular tree trunks. She flailed her arms in an attempt to communicate her distress.

"MMM! M! MMMMM!"

"Ah, your screams are so cute! Nghh, AH! AH! Haaaaaaaaa…"

Undyne finally released the now-purple dinosaur from between her thighs.

"You… you aren't so bad at that Al… Al?"

"Nghhhhh…"

"Wow! You're completely exhausted! Now that's commitment!"

"Neheghgh…"

"And you know what Al?"

"Hegh?"

"THAT TURNS ME RIGHT BACK ON!"

The semi-conscious Alphys was hoisted into the air by her blouse. With a single handful of cloth, Undyne managed to tear off everything Alphys was wearing save for what she was being held by. Following that with a surprising degree of restraint, Undyne lowered her gently onto the alleged mattress, placing Alphys at the head of the bed.

"Now it's only proper I return the favor..."

Alphys was finally able to drink in the sight before her. While she was pudgy at best, Undyne was the image of fitness, a thin layer of perspiration rendering her muscled form all the more defined. But it was the face Alphys had fallen in love with, something about the perpetually angry eyebrows and toothy grin made her crazy about the amazoness before her.

 _Gee, those teeth sure are sharp though…_

"Uh… Undyne?"

"Yes, my beautiful marshmallow?" If the look she gave Alphys was supposed to be sexy, it was having a difficult time with how frightening those rows of chompers had suddenly become.

"Uhm… maybe we can leave that for another night? I'm pretty tired now, and-"

"And you need something more intense to get you going? Say no more dear Al, I know what you're asking for!"

"You do?"

"Yes, you want my DILDO OF JUSTICE!"

Wherever the triumphant music started coming from, Alphys had no idea.

Undyne ran across the room and quite literally tore a drawer out of her dresser, and from it produced a frighteningly large dildo from within, cast in rubber the same colour as her spears.

"This bad boy has gotten me through many a lonely night. And now, Al dearest, it's _your_ turn."

"Ah, I appreciate Undyne." Alphys said, suddenly recovering from her exhausted mumbles. "But that looks m-maybe a little _too_ big for me."

"Too big? Ha! _No such thing!_ I bet you made Mettaton's robo-cock, like, 10 feet long!"

"T-that would be impractical. It does extend though, but only up to 1 foot…"

"NOW HOLD STILL WHILE I PLEASURE YOU!"

Alphys rolled off the bed a moment before Undyne shoved the dildo full-force towards where she had sat prior, the bed splitting in half straight down the middle.

"I-I think maybe we should take a break for tonight!" Alphys yelled as she made for the door, which like the bed before it shattered into a hail of splinters.

"Come back my sweet! I know you're into all that perverted shit! And the night is still young!"

"Eeeeeee."

And they had lots of sex afterwords. Sex which may or may not have resulted in Undyne's house burning down again.


End file.
